The Three Friend's Signal

What exactly are these nonverbal friend signals you can use to enhance your
chances of other people taking positive notice of you and laying a positive
groundwork for a friendship, whether for a night or a lifetime? There are
numerous signals to choose from, but, for our purposes, three critical cues are
essential to use if you want to encourage others to see you as a likable person
and worthy of possible friendship. They are the “eyebrow flash,” “head tilt,” and
the real, as opposed to fake, “smile” (yes, the human brain can detect the
difference!).

Eyebrow Flash




The eyebrow flash is a quick up-and-down movement of the eyebrows that lasts
for about one-sixth of a second and is used as a primary, nonverbal friend signal.
As individuals approach one another they eyebrow-flash each other to send the
message they don’t pose a threat. Within five to six feet of meeting someone, our
brains look for this signal. If the signal is present and we reciprocate, our
nonverbal communication is telling the other person we are not a foe to be feared
or avoided. Most people do not realize that they eyebrow flash because the
gesture is almost an unconscious one. Experiment for yourself: watch
individuals as they meet each other for the first time and, if possible, in
subsequent interactions. When people greet people for the first time in an office
or social setting, they use a verbal greeting along with the eyebrow flash. Verbal
greetings could include “How are you?” “What’s up?” or “How’s it going?” The
second time people see each other, they don’t have to say anything, but they do
exchange eyebrow flashes, or in the case of males, display chin juts.

Head Tilt

A head tilt is a strong friend signal. People who tilt their heads when they
interact with others are seen as more trustworthy and more attractive. Women
see men who approach them with their head slightly canted to one side or the
other as more handsome. Likewise, men see women who tilt their heads as more
attractive. Furthermore, people who tilt their heads toward the person they are
talking with are seen as more friendly, kind, and honest as compared with
individuals whose heads remain upright when they talk.
Head tilts
Women tilt their heads more often than men do. Men tend to communicate
with their heads upright to present themselves as more dominant. This gesture in
the business world may be an advantage; however, in a social context, the
absence of head tilting could send the wrong message. In dating environments,
such as nightclubs and bars, men should make a conscious effort to cant their
heads to one side or the other when approaching women or else they may be
perceived as predators.

Smile



A smile is a powerful “friend” signal. Smiling faces are judged to be more
attractive, more likable, and less dominant. A smile portrays confidence,
happiness, and enthusiasm and, most important, signals acceptance. A smile
telegraphs friendliness and increases the attractiveness of the person who is
smiling. The mere act of smiling will put people in a better, more receptive
mood. For the most part, people smile at individuals they like and do not smile at
those they do not like.
A smile releases endorphins, which give us a sense of well-being. When we
smile at other people, it is very difficult for them not to smile back. This return
smile causes the target of your smile to feel good about themselves, and, as we
will learn in a later chapter, if you make people feel good about themselves, they
will like you.